Internal Family Systems IFS
IFS let’s us to talk to all of the different parts of ourselves without shame.
What is IFS?
IFS is a groundbreaking therapy developed by Richard Schwartz, which utilizes an understanding of our “parts” to achieve significant healing and growth. It is considered one of the most effective approaches for working with trauma, along with numerous other mental health concerns. IFS can be used with children, adolescents, adults, and in parent guidance.
To explain what is meant by “parts,” here is an example. Say you are feeling unsatisfied at work, and you are thinking about leaving. A part of you might want to leave immediately because you are feeling so unhappy there, while another part of you might feel absolutely terrified by the idea of having to search for a new job. Another part of you (which strangely resembles your mother’s voice), tells you you’re making a mountain out of a molehill and to just toughen up. Yet another part of you realizes how dependent everyone is on you at work, and feels guilty at the thought of leaving. These parts can be thought of almost like bickering members of a family, your internal family, hence the name, Internal Family Systems.
IFS gives us a method to work with each of these parts, and over time, to better understand them. In doing so, our parts tend to soften, making way for us to access our wisest, most compassionate self.
How Does IFS Therapy Work?
In IFS, it is believed that all parts exist for a reason, and usually that reason is to help us in some way. Many of our parts are developed when we are young, in response to difficult situations. At the time it was developed, the part may have served a crucial, even life-saving role, such as teaching you to placate someone who is very angry. Because our parts are so dedicated to helping us, they are hesitant to give up their role, even when they are no longer needed. The work of IFS is to get to know the part and, as I like to say, give it the chance to tell its story in your presence, where they can finally be met with the care and compassion they deserve. As parts are given this chance, they become “unburdened,” meaning they are able to give up the life-saving role they once held. As our system becomes unburdened, we become freer to just be ourselves, and not constantly responding to the present as if we were still in the past.
IFS therapy sessions do not look very different from any other therapy session. They are 45 minutes long, and do not require any special skills. The therapist will guide you in being able to access your parts, which is done by connecting inward (focusing your attention internally). For some, this process is very easy, and for others, it feels unnatural and takes time to get used to. IFS goes at the pace of the individual, and can be slowly incorporated into sessions over time. IFS is considered a long-term approach, meaning therapy usually takes place over many months or even years, but most people are able to walk away saying “this therapy was transformative”
Can IFS Be Used for Children and Adolescents?
IFS therapy can be used in both direct or indirect ways depending on the child’s verbal and cognitive capacities. Like adults, all children and adolescents are made up of different parts. With younger children, IFS tends to be used indirectly, and imbues how the therapist listens to and observes the child. A child’s strength may be that they are a really gifted piano player, or a wonderful friend. They may also have the part where the child gets angry when they don’t get their way. A therapist is able to recognize all of these parts, and support the child and parents in also seeing these parts. This framework and language can be really helpful in the day to day life for children and parents. For example, a parent might say “I think your angry part is coming out,” which allows them to talk about this part of the child in a less shameful way. For adolescents, who tend to be more verbal, IFS may be used in a more direct way. Labeling, identifying, and talking about how these parts interact with one another helps adolescents gain a deeper understanding of themselves.